The tax man
I resent every drop of blood I lose to them. I hate to see them. I kill them when I can with the rush of excitement that could only come from taking the life of something that killed your entire family.
I hunt them mercilessly. If there's one in my bedroom I'll give an hour the next morning to hunting the bastard down. Usually to find there was three of them doing relays on my blood stream and probably three more older ones better trained in the art of deception.
Ya, no not tax men. Mosquitoes.
Here's my problem. I could forgive all. I could allow them to ply their obnoxious little trade.
If only they weren't so bloody sneaky about it.
Creep up silently, land on MY PERSONAL SKIN! Push their needled face down through my skin!
Suck out my blood. MY ACTUAL BLOOD! And using anaesthetic to control MY ACTUAL BRAIN!
Now if you look at the photo I've posted with this blog the next bit of text will make more sense.
'This illustration shows the six needlelike mouthparts that female mosquitoes use to bite people. Usually sheathed by a flexible tube, the weapons include two maxillae (blue) to saw into the skin and two mandibles (yellow) to hold the tissues apart as the maxillae saw. The bugs drool saliva into humans with the hypopharynx (green) and suck up blood with the labrum (red).
When drawing blood out of our vessels, mosquitoes completely mask the pain when doing so. After the proboscis has been inserted into the skin, the sixth needle (the hypopharynx) releases a numbing agent in the saliva. This acts as an anaesthetic — completely silencing pain receptors from sending messages to the brain.'
So, six needlelike mouth parts, a numbing agent, viruses, all while being the most annoying living thing on earth after Elon Musk.
But here's my tiny door of compassion.
They, on reflection, don't ask for much and don't take much. The Red Cross take a half a litre. Mossies are modest like that. Minuscule amount.
So here's my deal.
IF, and I know it's a big if, mosquitos would leave a voice mail on my phone or a note by my bed....." hi ya this is Mandy calling, look , ya , myself and four of the girls are in your area this evening and I hope it's not too inconvenient but we'd like to pop by for a half drop or two? Thanks Joe, you're amazing, your blood is so nice hey? Right girls? YA, THANKS JOE!"
You know what girls? Fire away. Get ye'er fill. Look forward to seeing ye. I'll lie naked and juicy for your convenience.
But this fuckin sneaking around business with the buzzing round the ear hole malarkey?
And the cloaking device engagement? There she is, she's dead, nope disappeared.
A crocodile would never piss me off like that. Sneaky yes. But annoying? No. Wants my actual glutes and thigh bones not just a tiny bit of blood? Still. Fine. Have yer go if yer man enough.
So to any mossies reading this blog, and I know ye do. Pass it on. Let's do business.
Why can't we all just get along.
Last comment. Mossies are the reincarnation of village gossips through the ages. Same energy. Careful what energy your boosting out.