The instruction manual

I remember five minutes ago I was sitting in the old Norman Castle at the back of our house in Roscommon. Me and the lads had just finished playing football, the evening was getting dark and the bats were fluttering about catching dinner.
I was a child. Living was relatively easy but I had worries like most kids.

Adults knew everything. And we listened to them. They were top shelf professionals at life and we knew absolutely nothing. Teachers, Priests, Nuns, Police, and Parents.
Oh they had it down. They knew. I did not.

The belief of a child in adults. The absolute unquestioned trust. The power adults have over kids.
And now I know the truth. Looking back now at adults around me at that time maybe 10% had a slight bit of a clue about the real stuff of life.
A tiny and generous percentage.
Most were lost in clouds of confusion, distraction, frustration and pain but they looked like they might have a clue. Some were downright damaging, cruel, and abusive.
No clue. No real idea. No grip on the substance of life. Just victims of poor information, beliefs and guidance.


I'm a big adult now so I must know everything. Simply must. I left it around here somewhere.
No I get lost all the time. I need support. I need wiser people to hold me in my damage and let me heal.
This machine, the human body mind and soul.
It's not a simple thing to run. It takes time and focus to even understand the instructions never mind the actual running procedures.
Right now my life is in the biggest time of death/ rebirth it's ever experienced.
Sitting quietly or sometimes curled up in the foetal position crying on a rug.
Letting the flack evaporate off.  Reaching out for land. Melting back to a purer state. Letting the energy of the thundering universe realign every atom and molecule in my cloud.
Hey kid, I know nothing right now. May have half a clue in a few months. Chat then eh?