Pure sAvage pagan

God? Hold my beer........

So, ok, right, so, look, em, there was this big explosion and bits flew everywhere. Well, see, lookit, that was this bloke called God and he was down in the quarry with a can of petrol he lifted from the back of the Caltex and anyway he lit it and fuckin BANG!

Universe. Then ducks and cows came later.

But mostly anyways he was a beardy old dude. And he made our bits. Kneecaps? Fannys? Spines? That was him after the frog came out of the swamp.

It's awful complicated but I was out for a walk and I was passing a church and there was singing so I went in for the craic because I'm not churchy now but I was back in the day and the kids were singing going real hard at it was lovely it was and I knew none of the hymns cuz they were a style of a Prod God love them and the preacher then decided to have a RIGHT GOOD GO oh my God what a sermon any amount of words and at some stage he said "maybe you find yourself one day in the hate/envy paddock" Well I nearly found myself in the 'laughing til I wee paddock' myself and then he says ' The No Pity plant grows in the soil of selfishness' and well sure I was loving this and he had hand gestures grabbing the air and reaching out and he mentioned football and we all laughed because well football and high voice and low voice and words words words words.

Then a bird flew in. A Swallow. And in the evening sun with light from the old churches stain glass window he swooped and circled and dived and sped and twisted and was the most godly thing in the room.

The bird said nothing.

The preacher said " there's a bird in the church, don't look at it, it'll go away". And I'm eating a kebab across the road now and yer man is still going.

I'd still be in there if he said " stuff this let's look at the bird". But he'd spent all week working on the big sermon and he was on the big screen.

But I am a cynical old pagan and at least he was trying.

The Kebab guy is Islamic.