POKER FACE
We were warned. Don't go into pubs. Dad's father had been a professional alcoholic. Dad remembered sitting outside pubs with his sister as a child late into the night hoping he wouldn't drink all the money so they'd have food.
But there was a pub across the road from our shop on Castle Street. Bug's uncle owned it.
So we'd sneak in the back way through the field to the smell of old men and beer and cigarette smoke and pipe smoke and whiskey and old dust.
I first learned how to play 25 there. The ultimate Culchie card game.
I remember one morning I was about 8 and I shot across to see if there was any craic to be had.
There was only one old guy about 70 there and I knew him well as a mean old bastard but I was bored so I said "Do you want a game of 25?" "Aye go on so!" He sez.
You had to put a 5 pence piece in the centre of the table to open.
I didn't have 5 pence so as he put his 5 in I bluffed and just said "go on I'm good for it" as I'd heard a hundred old men say before. Because they had the money in their pocket. I didn't but I took a 50/50 chance on winning so I'd leave his 5 in and carry on.
I lost.
Worse. He won.
He said "Where's my 5 pence?"
I said "I haven't got it".
Well he started roaring at the top of his lungs kicked the little wooden table up against the wall and went for me. An 8 year old. Had to be killed.
Tony McCrann pulled him off me and told me go home. Which I up an did at high speed.
The point being , card games in McCranns were very fucking serious.
I learned that early.
But that was before Poker.
I.Love.Poker.
I hate pretty much every other game that humans play but 5 card stud? The game Jesus himself played.
I remember learning how to play it. Carroll's cigarette in my mouth and Bug dealt the cards.
I could not believe you could have a shit hand but still bluff or pretend that you had better cards.
I loved it. We played through the summer in the back room filled with smoke and us laughing our arses off. Once in a while someone would come up with a way to cheat but they were always busted eventually to the darkest derision.
The best time. Poker has always stood to me and to this day I could lie barefaced to a judge and have him apologise for any inconvenience. And most importantly, enjoy the journey. I once had a therapist take me aside from a couples therapy group to say I just can’t read what you’re feeling from your face Joe. Oh really mofo!! Ha! McCranns Poker games.
One time there were two New York Cops on holidays in the bar while we were playing.
They had their badges with them so Tony asked them to bust our illegal backroom card game.
Well so help me these two big fit loud cops kicked in the door and in the loudest New York accents they bust us like they were busting a cocaine smuggling gang. Flashing legit badges just like in the movies.
Nearly dropped dead on the ground until it dawned on us Tony was behind them howling laughing.