In the unlikely event

Disclaimer : My first wife of twenty years that I’m still married to is perfect and none of this is about her. At all, at all. Immaculate! Also she did not make me say this.

The thing most people don't know about me is that I'll be going nowhere for ages. I'm to live to 103.

There'll be a cake and I'll groan out my last song and in the dawn of the next day, 06/02/70 I'll pass away in my sleep. Now, how do I know that? Hand me twenty bucks next time you meet me in person and I'll tell you. It's enough for this blog, that will be long forgotten by then, that you just roll with it.

HOWEVER! In the very unlikely event that I get took out by a low flying duck earlier than that, I was thinking was there anything I'd miss that would bother me. There's only one. My daughter’s first wedding.

I say first because it's a world of multiple marriages today. I don't think it would be like that here if we didn't buy into the Happily Ever After fairytale as if it just somehow ends at the wedding and a couple lives in unquestionable effortless bliss from there on out.

I would be sad to miss the opportunity to make the Father Of The Bride speech. Only that. There's nothing I provide on earth that can't be got elsewhere except that. And if you're living under the illusion that your death will be a big deal I'd urge you to reconsider. Most of us are as insignificant as any ant and even though we have the potential to move the world. Two weeks after we're gone only immediate family will feel anything and even they will be considering getting back to work.

So I'm doing it here. The speech.

“Ladies and gentlemen, big, small, high, low, rich poor, sad, happy or mad. I'm sorry I can't be with you today as I'm dead. You are all very welcome to the wedding of my daughter Róisín to 'insert name here'. You are all gatherd to wish this couple well on their journey together. As a couple though. Not two halves of a whole. They are entering into an arrangement now full of the joys as life would have it. Most people wait until they belive they have a bond strong enough to withstand the storms of time. They pick the best they can to enter into an arrangement to work together on a trip. Maybe a mortgage maybe a few vehicles maybe kids, nappies, teething, birthdays, school uniforms, tears laughter, Santa, boyfriends girlfriends, first driving lesson,life, death. You're on your own personal version of a journey taken by countless lovers over the centuries. Hear this word again - Countless.

Every human is somehow unique and beautiful though. So what is my advice to you my beautiful daughter and 'Insert Name Here'?

Here it is. This perfect beautiful person beside you is going to disappoint you. Yes this shining golden unbelievable person is going to lose that sparkling gilt and start to look like they're unravelling. They will try their best but they wont be even close to perfect. They have dark seams in their energy that will only come out once the ship is over the horizon. Damage they themselves know nothing about. Unfolding pretty much the same story as you. You will also disappointed them.

This mad crazy love, the 'big blast' is only the best soil you can find. It gives you the passion to tend it and plant seeds, water them and watch them through frost drought and fire and then harvest the fruit by the sweat of your brow and the callouses on your hands. Marriage is more but its not easy. Ask any older couple.

One thing people can also go through too is that one partner can fall helplessly in love with someone else. Yes another person. I mean that's very possible. Years out. Happens a lot. So now you or they have a choices. A Polyamourus relationship? Or jump ship and swim to the new ship or stay where you are and work smarter and clearer to raise the standard on your own ship. Your choice. But know this, if you dive, that person will disappoint you soon enough too. Because the equation now includes the same 'you' unchanged that failed at the first marriage. And you will soon realise that you just wanted a new better higher resonating version of yourself, not necessarily a new partner. Even though it will be absolutely true love the change may not make your life better. Sometimes maybe yes but more often than not, no.

So why bother? You bother, not because you will have an easier life but because you want the 'more' life and here it comes little buddy, here it comes. Lots more. Dont despair. This disappointment beside you has the potential to be one of the best things that ever happened to you. Just be ready for the storms inside your shipmate. Love is kindness. In my life I have been shown more kindness than I deserved and that is all there is.

And lastly try not to forget that your journey is like a good story, it's got a beginning a middle and an end. You age and mature and you can grow and become a mighty oak. Or not. The amount of late middle-aged men out there that marry a twenty year old to try to re-live that time in their lives because they haven't developed as people. Just got stuck with that fake idea that they are still young bucks and Duran Duran are still number 1.

Missed the bus Chad. Anyway I won't keep ye any longer that's a long time to be listening to a dead man. Get back to the wine the music and the dance and just remember, that dumbass beside you is as bad as you are. Everybody wants to be with the perfect partner that makes them happy but don’t forget that its your job to provide that for someone else. How's that going for ya?”

Yes, but I am going to be there and my speech will be as sweet and gushy as any of the five thousand Father Of The Bride speeches I’ve heard at the weddings I’ve played down the years. And I will cry my eyes out.