A reason
I literally watched you come in to this world.
Not the same at all as being the mother that you grew inside who nurtured you and heaved you out and fed you.
But very startling and powerful nonetheless
I'm your father. Joe. You never called me Dad and I could never be called Dad either I guess. A previous wound.
I walk alongside you as best I can. I will walk beside you through eternity one way or another. If I'm not here physically I'll be in the silence between the notes. But I'll be here for ages. I'll die at 103. Thats 45 more years. You'll be 63 when I die so enjoy the rest of it.
I remember the first time you cycled on your own I let go of the saddle. The first time you walked up to school I held your hand. The first time you walked to school alone I watched you go. (I watched every single move of every car and person and animal and leaf. Ready to bring death to all to ensure your safe passage 200 meters to the gate.)
The first time you were fully separate from your mother I held you in my arms. The first time Santa visited I was there with you. Every time he visited it was you and me checking the haul.
The first time you needed me I was there and I'm here now. Your very cool. Unsettlingly organised and sure of your likes and dislikes. Beautiful friends. And how you are in your day. Majestic. Unique. Powerful. Talented. And musical! Nothing to do with me of course. Taught yourself.
Two weeks ago I accidentally saw you as I drove by the school. You swung out the gate and my heart exploded with love. Oh I know your going to read this and DEMAND that I remove it IMMEDIATELY. Nope.
The first time you went fishing it was with me. We used cheese.
Dont let the truth get in the way of a good story and don’t not never ever go fishing just because you only have cheese for bait. Might be mice out swimming today.
The first time you were missing a pancake it was me that had distracted you.
I am a poor person. I have so much baggage that stops me from being a pure being. I know it makes you wonder if I even love you.
I can be very distracted but don't let yourself doubt how total my love for you is. I'm bloody well here. I can help. I will turn up for you. I will. Every single time.