My little girl

If I thought my daughter was going to read a 'Blog' written by her hopelessly naff fifty six year old Dad I probably wouldn't write it.

Well you're sixteen now and that is simply fascinating to me because part of my soul is still in the hospital watching you being born. As if it's right now.

I remember wheeling you down to be weighed and passing the room your uncles and grandparents were in waiting anxiously. It's a girl!

Those sixteen years are just one big moment of learning how to parent and learning how to be whatever 'Dad' is and mostly learning how to shut up.

I have to say upfront that there is no way available to me to express the love I feel for you. I've never read any poem or heard a song that isn't just childsplay beside my love for you.

Generally speaking I'm fairly good at expressing myself but not in this case. Words are cheap. I get to share your life as your Dad and I love it.

So that's why I'm writing this down now.

I see you get ready for school in the morning and I know you're going to be ok but you still have to dive out the front door to walk up.

I see you brace yourself. You have to go out into a wave of school mates and walk with whatever it is you do to gather yourself up.

These years of trying to find your way of being. Friends. Passions. Confidence or lack of it. Being attracted. Not knowing so much. Hoping you're ok.

I see my little girl head off and I know she's going to be ok. It's a great little town we live in. The whole world is here. And a great school.

You've gathered good friends around you and I'm always careful to remember to be sensible around them.

You always say " Don't embarrass me Dad" before they arrive. You're ruthless with bullshit and do not suffer fools.

Fair call. I'm a ludicrous piece of work. My girl is eye to eye with any human alive. As I see it.

When I lived in London I remember walking around and taking the Tube and just getting off anywhere and exploring freely. My world. My space. Mine to breathe freely and to enjoy. I always felt safe. Day or night.

It took me years before I realised that women can't do that so easily. I realised I was a six foot male and as long as I carried myself with reasonable confidence I'd be left unmolested. Worldwide.

Now you're becoming a woman.

My child is becoming a woman and in this world and no matter the advances achieved, women are vulnerable.

If I said that every week in Australia a man is killed by his wife or ex-wife you would know immediately it was the other way around. Every single week. Sometimes more.

Overwhelmingly, it is men who kill women— male offenders are responsible for killing approximately 94% of adult female victims.

Because generally speaking but specifically a proven truth - men are bastards. I give no time to the 'Not all men' argument.

That's long blown out of the water. Too many men are big emotionally stunted babies with no self control and no control of their anger. I see it myself.

Big fuckers just throwing tantrums when they're not getting their way. It's like a circus on the roads. Most especially if they see a woman in the other car.

The way grown ass men look at girls as if they were looking at something they own.

The fucking audacity of men is startling.

I'm afraid of men myself and I'm six foot tall and more than willing to eyeball one yet there is nothing else in my day I fear. Just men.

So now here you walk out the door.

My little girl. My sixteen year old.

I've got nothing. But I'll be here.

I'm going nowhere. I love you.