EUlogy

St Patrick is celebrated for having chased the snakes out of Ireland. The thing is though that snakes never existed in Ireland.
What the story represents is that Patrick and his Christian allies closed down the Druids.
"Dozens of Irish kings ruled the countryside with the help of head-hunting warriors while Druids guided their followers in a religion filled with countless gods and perhaps an occasional human sacrifice. Irish women were nothing like those Patrick knew at home. (Wales).Early Ireland was not a world of perfect equality by any means, but an Irish wife could at least control her own property and divorce her husband for any number of reasons, including if he became too fat for sexual intercourse. But Irish women who were slaves faced a cruel life. Again and again in his letters, Patrick writes of his concern for the many enslaved women of Ireland who faced beatings and abuse on a daily basis."
Ok. Granted. But in fairness I'd say the score board  Druid vs. Christian in Irish terms reads fairly even to date. Both a bunch of misled imprecise power hungry chancers.
However! I've recently been to a funeral where the Christians held sway and a priest (My own cousin, a sound lad who did a great and inspiring job and it must have been very emotional for him), did the honours.
That got me to thinking. I'll be dead myself soon.
On the 6th February 2070 I'll be in the box myself listening and I don't want mistakes made.

Nobody I grew up with will be there so I need to make friends as I go. Positions available at all times.
None of your Christian ridiculousness for me.
I want the nearest and the maddest bare footed stoned out of her mind full time big breasted professional tofu gnawing child rearing Witch to say a few words before I'm burnt.
Here is my Eulogy.
" Well here he is. Dead. He said it would happen and it was probably three years overdue but as he said himself he wanted a couple of years off.
Joe McManus was not the life of every party. He played good music at a fair few but would always have rathered being alone in a field or a garden or a wood listening and smelling. He really enjoyed life and hope he helped a few people enjoy theirs too.
Most of all though he wants it said that mostly he was a failure and thats fine by him. There was no law broken there so get over yourself. But please take permission from him to be a failure too. Just get out in a forest, take a breath and be a big usless happy out failure of a yoke. That means you too Róisín. "
There's tea buns and sandwiches after if any of ye are hanging around.